i really am dreaming with a broken heart now

the funny thing about breaking up with someone that you've been with for a long time is that you're so used to that person, every little thing holds them for you. there's no song you can hear that doesn't remind you of some insignificant little time with him. no book you can read and not compare him to the hero. and even when you know it's over, you keep forgetting. accidentally calling him "hon" or "darling" when you talk to him. forgetting that you're not supposed to say i love you anymore. even though you do love him. more than ever, maybe. and maybe it's even worse when it's not an explosive breakup, when you just decide to be friends. and you do well at it. so well, in fact, that you get painful questions. "didn't you guys break up?" and then the pain is back. and it's a terrible thing that you don't want the pain to go away, because that means he's still in your heart, and you know that once you let go of the pain, you're letting go of him. and you're just not ready for that. you don't even want to be ready for that. why let go of the best thing that ever happened to you? aren't you supposed to hold onto those kinds of things? i guess that only applies when they're holding on right back.